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Day 1 of ...

Here's a little advice for all you job marketeers: on your first day in a new position, it's often best if you wield your newfound power and influence with reckless abandon. No one likes a shrinking violet, after all. Strut around your department, make declarations, and, as D&G might say, effect incorporeal transformations.

With school and the program officially in session, I decided that it was a good time to pass some resolutions, which may or may not make their way into policy at some point down the road:

House Resolution 1302A: A Resolution Declaring Canteloupe the Official Fruit of the Graduate Program

House Resolution 2914: A Resolution Declaring Junior Mints the Official Movie Snack Food of the Graduate Program

and my last example I'll include in its entirety as a sign of my pride in its wisdom:

House Resolution 632C: A Resolution for the Designation of an Official Tool for the Graduate Program

1. Whereas, in close consultation with Webster's 5th International Unabridged Dictionary, it has been determined that the word "circular" both contains all 3 initials of the CCR program, and contains them in order, and

2. Whereas, through painstaking empirical study, it has been determined that "circular saw" is the single best, tool-related phrase for the purposes of demonstrating an exaggerated East Coast accent not unlike that used by comedian Mike Myers on Saturday Night Live in his recurring "Coffee Talk" skits,


3. From this moment forth, the circular saw shall be known as the official tool of the graduate program, and accorded all the rights and privileges associated herewith.

Brilliant stuff, I'm telling you.

Okay, so maybe my day wasn't quite that exciting. Advising appointments, a missed meeting (oops), a little bit of chimney sweeping, and my failure to remember to leave campus earlier than 6:30 when there's a basketball game scheduled for 7:00 (double oops). SU beat Georgetown, but the Hoyas took us to overtime.

That is all. Maybe tomorrow I'll follow up on my campaign promise of forming an ad-hoc committee to study the fiscal viability of designating an official graduate program candle scent. Stay tuned.


Aw. Sounds like our unanimously respected and beloved DGS. :-) By the way, our department's official snack food is powdered sugar doughnuts, and our mascot is Beagley the beagle, dog of one of the M.A. students.

chuckle chuckle--enjoyed it
your uncle john needs an explanation of Sideways, he forgot to leave his professional mind home --he's going to contact you

when not departign campus on time (ala 6:30) is that an issue of traffic or that you miss tip-off on tv?

The circular saw is a fine, fine power tool. With the proper blade, and a little practice, you could turn a canteloupe into one of those cute little baskets that can be filled with fruit cocktail.

I object to the circular saw, not because it is not an excellent tool and useful for all of the reasons named, but because the Sawzall (or, more accurately, reciprocating saw) is simultaneously the Most Useful Tool Ever *and* both of its names are fabulous.

Who wouldn't want a saw that reciprocates? Or anything, for that matter?

Awww, great. It's only my second day, and already I'm facing dissent. But I'm a uniter, not a divider! I'd hoped to offer these resolutions in the spirit of bipartisanship! I had a mandate, a mandate, I tell you! Hee hee.

Perhaps we could dodge the discord of a designated "tool" by choosing the new hip meaning of the word and choosing some grad student who is more annoying than a geek, but less than a complete wanker. And let him be the official TOOL. I can come in, conduct some interviews, and make a few recommendations, I'm sure.

Congratulations! I'm very glad you're blogging about all of this. I'm quite possibly going to take a new admin position with some similar responsibilities, and it never occurred to me that the "official item" designations would need to be made so quickly once one takes office.

After I posted this, I came in the next day to find--you guessed it--a box of Junior Mints sitting on my desk! If nothing else, they required far less cleanup than would have been necessary with a canteloupe and a circular saw...

So there was an upside (besides personal achievement) to making my decrees.